


With Flowers In His Hair.

by bubblegumclouds



Category: Louden Swain - Fandom, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anxiety, But not explicit, Christmas Presents, Coming Out, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fairground, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, McDonalds worker!Stephen, Mention of Death, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Sex, Slightly obsessed Billy, Suicidal Plans, Suicidal Thoughts, broke Stephen, flowerchild!Billy, unsupportive parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 05:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10632804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumclouds/pseuds/bubblegumclouds
Summary: Stephen is living... barely. He had no money and no friends so he didn't really class that as living. Billy was the opposite, always floating on a rainbow wearing his pretty flower crown with his best friends. He never knew anybody who could hate life.aka, Stephen is a depressed, broke, McDonalds worker and Billy is a happy, cheery flowerchild who works in the coffee shop opposite.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! For me I feel like this is one of my best works so far so I really hope you love it! It would be really nice to get some feedback on this one so please leave comments and kudos!  
> 

The chilly air infused with Christmas spirit bit at the holes in Stephen’s hoodie and tattered converse. Lunch break was so much harder when you had to refrain from buying food so you could afford to turn the heating on later. He shoved his hands into the pockets, if you could still call them that, and toed a stubbed out cigarette on the floor as he sat on the steps. Stephen wished so badly he could afford to place one of those wonderful, anxiety-reducing sticks between his lips but there’s no way his wage could stretch to that. He could barely afford his flat a couple of streets over let alone anything else but hey, at least it kept him skinnier. His lack of money for even the most basic essentials made up for the fries Stephen kept sneaking when his co-workers weren’t looking. (Little did he know they were, it was just that none of them said a thing as they felt too bad for him).

He sat with his elbows digging into his thighs and his chin placed neatly in his palms as he let his eyes wander around the space he saw every single day. The McDonald’s logo was plastered everywhere, even on the dumpsters in the back. Reaching out, he flicked one of the peeling stickers stuck to the metal, between his fingertips. The repetitive sound gave Stephen’s mind something to focus on other than what he’d give to be able to go and get a coffee from the shop across the street.

Billy watched from the steamed window as the dark silhouette resumed to his normal spot. Admittedly Billy should be cleaning the surfaces but he let his hand slide over the surface with a cloth while his mind wandered. He’d been watching the boy across the road almost every day since... the incident. It was months ago now so Billy’s recollection of the memory was slightly hazy but he can still hear it.

It was a sunny lunchtime and Billy had decided to eat outside, (he may have gotten a little too excited to be able to eat in the sun but hey, his college friends call him flowerchild for a reason!). Billy loves nature and community, that’s why he works in the most treasured corner coffee shop in the area. Anyway, that was beside the point. He was eating outside and he looked up to the McDonalds across the street. Someone he had never seen before was sitting on the steps with his head in his hands. The street was quiet as it was the backstreet to all the shops so every clicking of heels and muttering of voices could be heard.

Billy sat on the floor with his ripped skinny jean clad legs crossed innocently. A flower crown was pinned in place on his curled hair and a flannel hung off his shoulders. He was happily munching away on his salad sandwich until he heard a muffled crying sound. It wasn’t just soft tears either, it was heavy sobbing. Billy looked up from staring at his starred pastel converse to see that the noise was coming from the only other person on the road. The boy across the street.

Billy watched as his shoulders shook and he fidgeted his feet. Billy couldn’t stand seeing people hurt and he got up to talk to the poor upset boy. He made his way towards him, watching the light gleaming off his blonde hair. Once he was stood in front of the boy, he didn’t really know what to say as he still hadn’t noticed he was there.

“Hi, are you okay?” Billy asked with a smile. The boys head snapped up and Billy was met with the most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen. It looked like when the sun reflected off of water and made a pattern in blue. The boy looked startled and quickly scrambled to stand up, his eyes still puffy and his sleeves still wet.  
“I-I’m sorry I have t-to, um, to go.” The boy’s stutter seemed to be out of panic as his fingers scrambled to pull the door open. Before Billy could even get another sentence out, the boy had slid inside and shut the door. Billy turned away and sighed at the exchange.

“Billy!” His friend Rob shouted from the coffee machine. Billy snapped out of the memory and looked up to find the shadowed figure had gone. Billy sighed, it would be a long time until he saw him again as it was almost the last day until Christmas break.  
“What Rob?” Billy sighed as he stood next to Rob.  
“Look behind us, is that who I think it is?” Rob smirked and Billy looked behind them.  
“No way.” It was the boy that Billy had talked to that day. Billy didn’t question how Rob knew because it was probably from the constant describing he did. ‘Yes Billy, I get it, his eyes were the colour of the purest of things’ and ‘yeah you told me how his hair looked like the shining sun’.  
“It’s your lover boy in the queue.” Rob whispered as he smirked and shoved Billy over to the serving desk as the boy stepped up.

“Hello, my name is Billy, what can I get for you today?” Billy recited the line every worker had drilled into them from the day they started. The boy was counting his coins desperately in his hands. He looked up very briefly and opened his mouth to state his order when he did a double take. He stood staring at Billy and one of the coins he had in his hands slipped out and landed with a clatter on the floor.  
“Oh god I-I’m sorry, a coffee please, um black.” The boy stuttered from the ground where he was picking his coin up.  
“What’s your name please sir?” Billy asked so he could write it on the cup (but secretly he just wanted to know).  
“What? Oh um, Stephen with a ph.” The boy, well Stephen, replied. Billy smiled as he wrote Stephen on the cup and handed it to Rob to make the drink. Rob sent a quick wink his way as he made the drink and handed it back.

“That will be £2.75 thanks.” Billy asked as he held his hand out.  
“Okay.” Stephen replied as he counted out his coins again before his face turned white. Billy watched him recount, scanning over the coins again and muttering to himself before checking his pockets.  
“O-Oh no, I-I’m sorry I-I don’t.” Stephen stuttered as he looked up at Billy with wide eyes before he panicked and ran out of the shop. Billy quickly followed, not giving a thought to anything else.

“Hey, Hey wait!” Billy shouted down the street as Stephen was briskly walking away, pulling his hood up and shoving his hands in his pockets. Billy was certain he was going to have to chase him down the street to stop him however he turned around and walked up to Billy.  
“P-Please, don’t make this a-any more embarrassing than it already is. I-I don’t have the money okay. I’m sorry for wasting your time.” Stephen’s voice trailed off as he sniffled into his fingerless gloves.  
“This one’s on me, how about you come in out of the cold and maybe have a chat?” Billy smiled as he handed Stephen the drink, the steam rising up and integrating with the cold air.

Stephen glanced up at Billy and nodded as they both stepped inside.  
“Why don’t you grab a table, I’ll be there in a minute.” Billy said quietly as Stephen sat down, very wary of the eyes on him. Rob was there to catch Billy’s apron as he threw it and Billy thanked him as he began covering the shift.

He sat down opposite Stephen and placed his arms on the table.  
“I’m sorry about all of the stuff before.” Stephen almost whispered it, clearly not comfortable with the memory but still feeling the need to bring it up.  
“You don’t have to apologize Stephen, it’s not your fault.” Billy said as he sent a shy smile Stephen’s way. Billy’s heart was hammering in his chest because god damn Stephen was cute. He tried not to let his nervousness show as he didn’t want to frighten Stephen off.

“Thank you for the coffee by the way. I-I can always smell it from across the road.” Stephen laughed a little, fiddling with his cup that was now half empty, twisting the cardboard sleeve around.  
“It’s no problem, you should have come in sooner!” Billy said and a slow smile crept onto Stephen’s face as he nodded and muttered ‘yeah’.

“So, do you work over there?” Billy asked, hoping to keep the conversation going so Stephen couldn’t just make a quick exit.  
“I do, it’s not the greatest job in the world but at least I have it.” Stephen commented and Billy nodded along. He had never had a job he hated so he couldn’t really understand on Stephen’s level but he made out like he could.  
“Yeah, at least it's Christmas break now though right?” Billy tried to lighten up the topic, he hated seeing Stephen sad.  
“Yeah, I finish tomorrow.” Stephen said with a dull tone, it wasn't typically the way that sentence was said but Billy still answered it with the same cheery hope.  
“That’s great, how long have you got off?” Billy asked and Stephen froze up, his body almost seemed like someone had just pressed pause.

“Hey, I-I’m sorry I just remembered I have to g-go and do, um, something at home. T-Thanks for the coffee again.” Stephen started to get up and scramble away in the same way as before. Billy grabbed his arm quickly before apologizing softly for the rough touch.  
“This was nice, I’d like to do it again sometime? Maybe, would you like my number?” Billy asked, he knew it was a far reach but at least he tried.  
“I-I don’t have a phone.” Stephen muttered as he walked out leaving Billy to wonder what he’d done wrong.

Billy decided after a lot of thinking that, as today was Stephen’s last day before break, he would find him as he was leaving work and give him his present. Rob’s eyes had near fallen out of their socket when Billy had shown the present he got Stephen.  
“Dude! You barely even know the guy! This is a better phone than mine?!” Rob had whined and Billy snatched it back off him before his shaky hands dropped it.  
“He’s cute okay, leave me alone.” Billy teased and Rob shook his head.  
“He better be marriage material for that.” Rob sarcastically commented earning him a harsh slap to his arm.

Maybe it was a bit out there but Billy was damn sure he liked Stephen. There was just a little something not quite right and he couldn’t put his finger on it. Hopefully, this might allow him to find out.

He was itching all day, fidgeting and antsy until finally his last shift ended and he made his way out of the back exit. Rob said he was absolutely insane and threatened a therapist appointment onto Billy several times but he ignored the insults in favour of throwing a dirty cloth Rob’s way. He was going to go outside and there he would wait until Stephen left. Yes, it was slightly stalkerish but Stephen was intriguing and Billy wanted to know more. He wanted to know why Stephen was sad, why he got scared and nervous around people, or maybe it was just Billy he was scared around. He wanted to help Stephen.

It had been almost an hour and the light was growing nonexistent when Billy decided he was going to give up. Stephen had probably left out of the front entrance hours ago and Billy just looked like an idiot. He sighed and stood up, dusting himself off from the gravel and began to walk away, wondering how much he could sell this new iPhone for.

Suddenly, he heard the creak of a door and a jingle of keys and when he turned around his face beamed as, there Stephen was, locking up. He walked back over, making sure to not look threatening as Stephen was already scared by him in the daytime, so at night he’d be lucky if he got just one punch to the face.

“Hey Stephen, I was hoping to catch you!” Billy attempted the most enthusiastic voice he could but it didn’t seem to work.  
“Sorry, tonight’s not a good night. Maybe another time.” Stephen was mumbling and whereas before he’d placed his words carefully and made sure to never come off offensive. This time he was cold and harsh, no stuttering or shy smiles to be seen. This didn’t deter Billy, he wanted to at least give him the present.

“I just, I wondered if maybe you wanted a lift home. You look cold.” Billy offered and it was a long stretch and it almost didn’t work. Billy could tell Stephen was about to decline however he looked up and caught eye contact with Billy and Billy wasn’t sure what it was about him but Stephen’s answer surprised him.  
“Okay but just a lift, that’s it.” Stephen said with a sigh and Billy smiled as he led him to his car.

“It’s just two streets away.” Stephen said as he directed Billy around both of the turns but otherwise stayed silent. Stephen’s whole demeanor had completely changed and Billy wondered why, he was confident, angry and slightly rude. Miles away from the blushy, stuttery golden haired joy he’d talked to previously. Stephen muttered a quick ‘here’ and pointed to a giant block of flats as Billy pulled up outside.  
“Thanks.” Stephen said flatly as he went to open the door.  
“Wait!” Billy said, fully expecting the groan and sigh that came from Stephen with the mood he was in today.  
“Listen, thanks for all you’ve done but tonight is just not the night for this okay.” Stephen groaned and Billy pulled out the phone.  
“I know, I’m sorry. Merry Christmas Stephen.” Billy quietly said, his voice sincere as he held the box out for Stephen.

Stephen looked over and laughed as he shook his head, a sense of anger washing over the mood in the car.  
“Dude I get it, this is some kind of hilarious prank or dare from that guy you’re friends with at the coffee place but just, please, don’t.” Stephen said, his voice started out bitter and sarcastic however it melted softly into a hurt and mellow sound.  
“Stephen, I promise this isn’t a prank and I would never do that. I bought it for you, I-I know it’s a bit much but I thought maybe it might be nice? I-I don’t know.” Billy sounded unsure now. Maybe Rob was right, maybe it was a bit insane. Billy’s kind nature and big heart usually got the better of him and made him do stupid things, this was probably one of them. He was about to start profusely apologizing and asking him not to take a restraining order out when a tear slid down Stephen’s cheek.

Billy looked over to him as he flicked his eyes down to the box in Billy’s hand. It was adorable how nervous and hesitant he was about taking it and Billy started to see the Stephen he’d met previously showing through the cracks in the harsh exterior.  
“Go ahead, it’s yours. Sorry I didn’t have time to wrap it” Billy whispered jokingly as Stephen’s hand gingerly reached out and took the box, sending a slight smile Billy’s way once it had left his hand.

Stephen placed the box in his lap as if it was a bomb as he held his breath and swallowed thickly. Billy watched intently as Stephen moved slowly, every movement precise and calculated. He could tell Stephen still thought it was fake or a joke and he wasn’t sure how well his reaction was going to be once he found out it wasn’t. Stephen lifted the lid and placed the wrapping either side and there, wrapped in excessive padding, was a brand new top range iPhone. Stephen handled it with as much care as you would a baby when he took it out and looked at it properly.

Billy watched the scene and smiled, the way Stephen handled it as if it was the most precious thing on earth reminded Billy of how little he appreciated all he had. Billy was shocked when Stephen put it back in the box and turned to face him.

“I-I can’t take this. Please, give it to someone else o-or sell it.” Stephen said through tears and Billy shook his head.  
“It’s for you Stephen, you said you didn’t have a phone so I got you one.” Billy said and this apparently made Stephen cry more.  
“I-I don’t deserve this.” Stephen whispered, his voice cracking as he held the box in his shaking hands. Billy guided him to place it back on his lap.  
“You do.” Billy said simply and Stephen sat for a minute taking it in and weighing up his next move. Billy didn’t quite expect it to go this way but it just showed him that Stephen needed this, he needed some kindness to show him the world was a good place.  
“I-“ Stephen paused, his voice not quite leaving his throat the way it should do due to the overwhelming emotion, “thank you.” Stephen settled on that and a teary smile sent Billy’s way. Billy was screaming inside at the victory as he beamed a smile straight back.

“P-Please come in, i-if you have time. I mean my flat it, um, doesn’t have much o-or anything really but,” Stephen trailed off, desperate to do something nice back to show his appreciation.  
“I’d love to.” Billy finished off his sentence as him and Stephen got out of the car.

Stephen led him up to the door as he typed in the password on the dodgy metal keypad. The door clicked open and Stephen pushed it as it creaked, the noise echoing loudly. Now Billy was always nice, he liked to live in his happy little bubble of being kind about everything but even an angel would admit that the place didn’t smell the best. Stephen obviously didn’t notice any more or felt too embarrassed to mention it as Billy followed him up the stairs.

By the sixth floor, Stephen finally stopped and Billy was near wheezing at the amount of effort it took. They stood outside the door while Stephen felt around his back pocket and fished out the key.  
“Sorry about t-the stairs, I don’t trust the lift. It breaks down nearly every 5 hours.” Stephen said as he unlocked the door and Billy sent a nod his way, not trusting his voice to work through the panting he was trying to hide. He seriously needed to get back to the gym, and not the Pokemon one.  
“Here we are, sorry for the mess. I-I never have anyone round.” Stephen smiled and began picking up whatever was around and placing it on the kitchen table.

From the moment Billy stepped into the room, his heart hurt. Stephen’s bed (if you could even call it that) was basically an incredibly old mattress with a sheet over it. At this time of the year, he didn’t even want to think about how Stephen kept warm, he was probably left curled up and shivering. There was a box TV on a broken table but Billy highly doubt it actually worked. A few plastic cups were the only decoration the place had and also the only hint that it hadn't been abandoned. The kitchen was basically in the living room as was everything else because it was pretty much just a box.

“I would um, I would offer you a drink but it appears I don’t have a-any in right now, sorry.” Stephen said awkwardly as he fidgeted and looked down at his feet. He put a glass under the tap and turned it on however nothing came out. He muttered a quick ‘fuck’ and turned bright red before turning round to face Billy again.  
“S-Stupid water pipes, a-always breaking.” Stephen tried to joke but Billy could tell that the water pipes weren't the problem. His heart broke for Stephen honestly, this was no way for anyone to live.

“I-I would offer you some food b-but again, I-I don’t seem to, um, have anything in r-right now.” Stephen smiled hopelessly, knowing Billy was seeing right through this whole pathetic act he was trying to put on of pretending he had anything. Billy just stood, waiting for Stephen to say something but instead, there was silence. Billy had to find something to talk about, anything to stop Stephen from digging himself into a more awkward, deeper hole.

“What’s that rope over there for?” Billy asked inquisitively and Stephen sucked in a breath.  
“I-I, oh um, it’s ah work stuff.” Stephen stuttered as he ran over to it, moving it out of the way and behind the table.  
“Ah right.” Billy said as he watched Stephen near bolt towards it.  
“I-I don’t know why I invited you up here I just, I wanted to say thank you a-and maybe talk but. I’m just, I’m sorry.” Stephen sighed as he sat himself on the mattress, knowing any efforts he made would be useless anyway. He had nothing to offer Billy and he knew that, well by now they both did.

“Hey it’s okay, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. How about we order something in?” Billy said and quickly regretted it as it now put Stephen in a horrible position. Billy could tell he would never be able to afford it but Billy also didn’t want to embarrass him even more by offering to pay. Stephen’s eyes went a little wide and he swallowed, not knowing what to reply.  
“I-I um, you can get something f-for you i-if you want, it’s just that, well I um, yeah.” Stephen stuttered as he trailed off and looked down.

Billy walked over to him and crouched down, placing a finger under his chin so their eyes met.  
“I’ll order for both of us okay?” Billy smiled and Stephen shook his head.  
“You’ve already done way more than enough, i-if you just wait until tomorrow, that’s when my wages come in a-and then I can buy it.” Stephen argued and Billy sighed contently at Stephen’s trying.  
“Stephen, you can’t afford that, and it’s okay I promise. It’s also okay to rely on people who want to buy you things and help out.” Billy said as he brushed a stray piece of Stephen’s hair back behind his ear. Stephen looked up at Billy, his face red and soft.  
“I-I don’t deserve it Billy.” Stephen whispered and Billy could tell that he really felt that. That is 100% what Stephen believed and that was heartbreaking to Billy who had always lived in his little bubble. He never knew people like this, sad people who deserved to be happy.

Billy couldn’t respond as well as he wanted because he was getting choked up so instead, he pulled Stephen into a hug. Stephen clung to Billy as they both knelt on the floor with each other. Stephen buried his head into Billy’s neck and tried to cry as little as possible however with Billy rubbing his back and murmuring ‘it’s okay, you do deserve it’ in his ear, it was very difficult not to.

Eventually, Stephen pulled back and Billy moved to sit beside him on the mattress. He decided to ask a question that he wasn’t sure to ask or not.  
“Why were you crying the first time I met you?” Billy asked, his voice soft and slow. Stephen didn’t even look phased by the question.  
“I’d just got told that they were moving our wages to monthly not weekly and I was already living on whatever was in the clearance section and I couldn’t afford to turn my heating on. I had water and this place but I knew I was going to have to cut a lot of things I needed.” Stephen explained before he paused, regaining his composure before he broke down again.  
“At first it was okay, I could manage but the longer it went the more difficult it got. Now I just about have enough to cover rent.” Stephen sighed as he looked over at Billy.

“Ste, I had no idea it was this bad. What do you eat? How do you stay warm?” Billy said worriedly even though he figured he wouldn’t want to know the answers.  
“Nothing and well, nothing.” Stephen said with a laugh but Billy couldn’t even force a smile. He’d never seen this before, he’d always had more than enough money from his parents and his job was just for fun and luxuries.

“Where are your parents?” Billy asked and then muttered an apology, realizing he was questioning Stephen way too much. He didn’t mind though.  
“T-They said they wanted nothing to do with me w-when I came out to them. Disowned me on the spot.” Stephen said and Billy realized that he never knew Stephen’s sexuality, he always just hoped.  
“Came out as... gay?” Billy said in a questioning tone and Stephen nodded.  
“Hope that’s okay?” Stephen said quietly.  
“Of course it is, I am too.” Billy said as he took one of Stephen’s shaking hands in his.

“Hey, how about I take you out tonight? I’ll pay for everything and we’ll just have fun.” Billy said and Stephen hesitated but eventually nodded, deciding that he could use a break from the same four walls. They both got up and left the flat, much to Billy's joy as being in there for 20 minutes depressed him enough for one day.

Billy originally planned to take him to a restaurant however once they both saw the funfair sign it was hard to resist. Billy paid the entrance fee and they walked in, eyes wide at all the flashing lights. Their first stop off was the hotdog stand where Billy ordered as much food for Stephen as he could get away with. When he came back to their bench with a tray and Billy took his half, Stephen shook his head.  
“Billy, why did you buy so much food?” Stephen laughed as he stared at the tray on the table in front of him. There were 3 hot dogs, a bowl of nachos and a large coke.  
“For you, now eat up, we’ve got some games to play.” Billy said as he eyed up the darts stand.

Stephen managed about one and a half hotdogs and ate most of the nachos, leaving only a few left in the bottom. Billy didn’t want to know how long it had been since Stephen ate that much.  
“Right come on let's go!” Billy said all hyped up as he’d finished his about half an hour ago but Stephen shook his head.  
“Woah Mr excitable, give me a minute! I’m nearly exploding here!” Stephen laughed and Billy smiled.  
“Good.” He whispered happily to himself under his breath, glad that Stephen was full and getting a decent sized meal.  
“Did you say something?” Stephen asked and Billy shook his head.  
“What? No, nothing.” Billy replied as he looked at Stephen with care in his eyes. He leant across and took Stephen’s hands in his. They gazed at each other for a minute, enjoying the time until Stephen pulled away.

“You, um, ready to go?” Stephen said, not quite being able to look Billy in the eye again. It was almost like he was scared of the connection, or he didn’t want to believe it at least. It was clear he felt it but Billy wasn’t too sure why he was afraid of that.  
“Alright let's go!” Billy put back on the smile and steered Stephen towards the darts. He handed over the dollar for three darts and took a step back. Stephen was fake chanting and encouraging Billy as he put on a whole performance of throwing the first one which barely hit the board. They both laughed as Billy had made such a performance and failed so miserably. The second one was just shy of the 20 and the third didn’t even make it on, hitting the cork board behind. Billy sighed and shook his head.  
“Must be the wind, or you putting me off.” Billy joked as he winked and Stephen rolled his eyes at how much acting Billy was doing.

Billy put forward another dollar and let Stephen have the darts. Stephen was more reserved but gained a higher score and he had Billy screaming after every dart he threw which slightly put him off. At the end of the darts, the guy running it informed him that he'd gained enough points to win a prize. He could either have one of those tiny little keychain cuddly toys or a three dollar food token for any stall in the park. Billy was certain he was going to go with the food token, he could use it for whenever he didn’t have money, but to Billy’s shock, he didn’t. He picked a little furry polar bear that hung from a pink sparkly plastic bag clip.

Billy was about to ask what he was doing until he wandered over to a little girl and her mom sitting on a bench. Billy could just about hear the conversation over the racket of the rides as he watched in awe. Stephen bent down to their level and began talking to the mom.  
“Hey, I just won this on the darts and I-I really don’t have any use for it. Could I give it to her?” He asked politely and the woman, of course, accepted.

He turned to the little girl with her pink overalls and cute pigtails, swinging her legs back and forth, and she looked at him with caution.  
“Hey little one, my name is Stephen. What’s your name?” He said in a higher pitched voice with a smile on his face that Billy could see even from where he was standing. She curled up to her mom who patted her head and told her it was okay to speak to him. Billy wouldn’t have caught the name if Stephen hadn’t repeated it, as it was whispered so quietly by her.

“Jessica, that’s a lovely name! Hey Jessica, I won this and I thought that maybe he’d be better looked after by you. Would you like him?” Stephen asked and again, the little girl looked up to her mom who nodded. She hesitantly took the polar bear from Stephen and cuddled it close to her chest, looking down at it. She thought for a minute, studying the bear before speaking.

“Thank you!” Her little voice beamed and she leant forward, pulling Stephen into an unexpected hug.  
“That’s okay, but I want you to promise me you’re gonna look after him, is that okay? He’s a very special polar bear and he gives good hugs!” He said as he pet the top of the polar bears head with one finger.  
“I will! I’m gonna name him Steve.” She said as she rocked him back and forth. Billy saw Stephen smile widely.  
“That’s a very cool name! Anyway, I have to get back to my friend now but it was nice to meet you.” Stephen laughed and held a hand out for her to shake, she took a few of his fingers and shook it.  
“Thank you, that was very kind of you.” Jessica’s mom said with a smile.  
“No problem.” He smiled back as he got up and walked back to Billy.

He was speechless at witnessing what Stephen had done whereas it didn’t even seem to be anything to him.  
“That was just... adorable.” Billy said after staring at Stephen’s face for a minute in shock.  
“I saw she was crying on the way up and her mom looked pretty stuck so I thought it might help.” Stephen shrugged as he went to move on and Billy followed along behind, still not able to believe how Stephen turned down such an important thing he needed to give someone else a bit of happiness. Billy could tell that he was rapidly and insanely falling in love with Stephen already.

“Where are we off to next?” Stephen asked as they wandered around the park. Billy wasn’t really a huge fan of rides, they seemed too fast and thrilling for him, he liked the slow life.  
“I don’t know, wherever you want to go!” Billy replied with a shrug and Stephen laughed.  
“Well you’re paying so what do you want to do?” Stephen rolled his eyes at Billy’s constant chill about everything. They decided to do a few more stall games, even though they didn't win anything it was just fun for them to watch each other play. One stall worker asked how long they'd been together for which resulted in a lot of blushy glances at each other and nervous giggles. They were just about to grab a seat before heading back but it was then that Billy spotted the big wheel. He knew it was a cliché but he just had to.

“Big wheel!” Billy clapped excitedly and Stephen looked over at it, his face paling slightly. Stephen could feel the panic rising in him but Billy was paying and this had been the only thing he had gotten super excited about since they arrived so Stephen agreed.  
“I-I guess so.” He said nervously, however, Billy was too excited to notice as he dragged Stephen to the line by his hand.

They were the last ones before the ride set off so they were quickly shuffled into one of the compartments and locked in. Stephen couldn't quite believe he was actually doing this once he sat down and that's when the fear partly hit him. Stephen began to shake a little and his eyes refused to open, it was only once the ride had started that Billy noticed as he’d been looking around at the view they were going to get at the top.

“Hey, hey Stephen? Stephen are you okay?” Billy asked once he saw Stephen’s scrunched up face. He cursed his stupid mind for not thinking to check if he actually wanted to do this before getting on. Stephen was gripping the bar in the middle with such force and his breathing was coming out in pants. Stephen was using his breathing techniques and for a while it seemed to work however he started to feel the wind rushing past him and he lost his calmness.

“P-Please I-I’m sorry I-I need to get off please.” Stephen stuttered as his heart began to race.  
“Oh shit okay alright we’ve already started going up Ste but it’s okay. Nothing’s gonna happen to you alright? You should have told me you had a fear of heights!” Billy was frantically looking around for any way to alert someone to turn it back around but nothing was there. He placed a hand on Stephen’s arm and Stephen jumped as a tear leaked down his face.  
“I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry please I-I don’t like this. P-Please get me down, please.” Stephen began to cry and Billy felt so awful as he panicked and tried to find something to help, ANYTHING.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s alright you’re safe Stephen I promise we’re gonna be off real soon okay?” Billy said as he began to cry too, looking at Stephen in such a state and knowing he caused it hurt him so badly. There were a couple more minutes of sniffles and Billy thought maybe it was just the initial movement panic until Stephen started talking again.

“Jay, I-I’m so sorry, I should have, I-I should have gone on there with you. I-I should have been there I-I’m so sorry it’s a-all my fault.” Stephen cried and Billy had no idea what Stephen was talking about. He began panting as if he was running and his talking turned into mumbling as Billy couldn't even distinguish any words.  
“Stephen, Stephen what’s wrong? What’s going on?” Billy rushed and they were at the top now and unfortunately, that meant it stopped as they were the last ones on, so they were dead center and last to get off.

“Stephen, please talk to me, Stephen?” Billy repeated over and over as Stephen cried. He was an absolute wreck now and Billy could do nothing about it. He'd considered slipping under the bar to hug him but he knew any movement would probably send Stephen into god knows what.

“M-My brother Jay, d-died in a b-big wheel accident. T-The carriage’s got stuck a-and his wasn’t on properly. I-It fell and he died. I-I was meant to go o-on but I was too scared. H-He begged me to go on Billy, he begged me and I said no and he died and it’s all my fault.” Stephen sobbed and Billy felt his stomach drop, how could he have been so insensitive to just drag him along.

“Stephen, hey hey, shhh it’s okay. It’s okay I’m so sorry.” Billy comforted as he watched Stephen’s arms shake with how hard he was gripping onto the bar. They were about half way down now and it was enough for Billy to start shouting the operator to get his attention.  
“HEY, HEY PLEASE CAN WE GET HIM OUT? I NEED TO GET HIM OUT.” Billy shouted and the ride operator immediately brought them to the bottom as fast as the ride would allow. He ran over to open the door and unlocked it as Billy rushed over to Stephen and tried to get him out.

“Stephen, Stephen it’s okay we’ve stopped now come on, let's get you out.” Billy said as he attempted to move him but Stephen was frozen, paralyzed with panic and Billy couldn’t seem to move him.  
“I-I can’t, c-can’t breathe.” Stephen gasped as he tried to take as many breaths as he could but his lungs wouldn’t allow it. The ride operator was already calling the medics over as Billy tried to coax Stephen down from his panic.

“Stephen come on, Ste it’s okay, oh god I’m so sorry.” Billy said as he rubbed Stephen’s back and tried to get his attention. It wasn’t working and before he knew it he had to move out of the way for the medics to get in. They immediately placed an oxygen mask over him and carried his body over into one of those chairs with wheels which allowed them to get him away to a better place. Billy followed behind them as they sat him opposite the wheel and tried to get him to respond.

They did everything they knew and yet Stephen just kept mumbling the same words over and over again until eventually, he came back out of his head with a jolt and a scream that was covered by the mask. Tears streamed down his face as he let his eyes scan around him before realizing he was safe and relaxing slightly.

“Stephen, can you look at me please?” One of the paramedics asked and Stephen finally moved his head and looked her in the eye.  
“I need you to breathe really deeply with me okay?” She said and Stephen began to imitate her breathing as he gripped the mask and let his eyes fall shut. They began to get somewhere with calming him down and once that happened, his body relaxed. He was still shaking but he took off the mask and let the natural air in which was a good sign.

He looked over at Billy who was crying and he bit his lip.  
“I-I’m so sorry.” Stephen whispered as the medics started packing away and shifting Stephen over to a bench. Billy sat next to him.  
“Hey, no I’m the one who’s sorry I-I didn’t even think to check what you thought and god, I-I had no idea about what happened...” Billy trailed off as he felt guiltier by the minute. Stephen gave back the mask as the medics left and the two boys were left alone. Billy still kept breathing deeply with Stephen just to make sure everything had evened out.

“It’s okay, you weren’t to know. I-I should have spoken up but you were so excited and I-I thought I could handle it.” Stephen sighed as he tried to regain his strength.  
“Here, keep taking sips of this okay?” Billy said as he gave him the water. Stephen immediately dropped the bottle, spilling half on the floor with his shaking hands.  
“Fuck, shit sorry, oh god sorry. I-I keep wasting your money, I-I’m sorry.” Stephen said as Billy picked up the bottle and dusted it off. He checked the rim before holding it back in his hands ready to give to Stephen.  
“You’re not wasting anything okay, I don’t even care about the money, I just care about you.” Billy said as he pressed the drink to Stephen’s lips and slowly gave him small sips.

Stephen smiled and did something that neither of them expected. He curled up into Billy’s lap, resting his head on Billy’s shoulder. He placed his hands around his middle and melted into the safety of him. Billy wrapped his arms around Stephen, supporting his back with one, and gently used his thumb to wipe away the tears from Stephen’s cheeks.  
“You wanna go home?” Billy asked quietly as he squeezed Stephen tight enough to feel secure but not too tight in case it restricted his laboured breathing.  
“In a minute.” Stephen’s muffled voice spoke, his breath fanning out on Billy’s neck. 

They cuddled in silence for a while, letting the music of the rides and happy children squeals be their background noise. Billy wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure what type of reaction he would get, he decided Stephen deserved to be told it either way.  
“He’d be proud of you, you know.” Billy whispered and he felt Stephen’s breath hitch. For a spilt second, he worried if that was a bad choice until Stephen squeezed Billy’s shirt that was already balled up in his fist.  
“Thank you.” Stephen whispered back and for a while they sat in that. Billy just hoping that Stephen felt loved and Stephen trying to let himself feel for once. 

It was hated by both parties when Stephen got up and decided it was time to head home. Billy smiled to cover up his disappointment as he followed shortly and they began walking back.  
“Hey, I bet you that I can carry you the entire way to your flat door?” Billy challenged and Stephen laughed.  
“No. Way.” He said with a smile and Billy stopped, squatting slightly.  
“Get on.” Billy said and Stephen shook his head.  
“No way, not happening!” He said as he laughed at the strange looks passer-bys were giving Billy.  
“Come on! On. Now!” Billy joked and Stephen finally gave in, knowing that Billy would probably collapse the minute Stephen put all his weight onto him anyway.

Stephen jumped and managed to get up, Billy’s hands curling around his thighs and he began walking. Billy apparently was a lot stronger than he looked and part of Stephen was slightly turned on by that. He prayed that he wouldn't get an awkward boner right now as there would be no way Billy wouldn't feel it on his back. Stephen wanted to make sarcastic comments but he was simply too exhausted. The quietness of the streets paired with the rhymic panting of Billy made Stephen relax and by the time they were at Stephen’s block of flats, he’d fallen asleep. His head was slumped on Billy's shoulder and his soft snores went straight into Billy's ear.

Billy was lucky he remembered the code to the door from earlier and he was hoping the squeak of the door wouldn’t wake him up as he looked positively adorable all calm and tired. Billy took about 10 minutes to get up the stairs as he could barely handle them the first time he did it by himself so with Stephen on his back it took almost double the time. Eventually, he was at the door and he managed to use one of his hands that was wrapped around Stephen’s thigh to fish out the key from his back pocket. Putting it into the lock was tricky but he managed to tilt himself so he could still use his hand without taking it away. He wasn’t quite sure how to put Stephen down however he figured the best way was to line up Stephen’s head with the pillow and let him fall onto the mattress. He sat himself on the end and leant back, peeling Stephen’s arms from around his neck and letting his thighs down gently. Once he got up and saw Stephen was still asleep, he silently cheered his creative method and locked the door behind them.

He wandered back, placing the sheet over Stephen and let himself just watch him for a minute and think over the day. It had been so eventful in both good and bad ways and Billy couldn’t believe that so much had happened. Billy watched the slow movements of Stephen’s breaths and realized how badly he had fallen for him. He was beautiful in every meaning of the word. The way his hair fell haphazardly over his face and the way his filled out cheeks were tinged with red from the cold. But he was also beautiful in the way his smile crept up onto his face and how the kindness in his heart seemed to radiate to everyone around him. He was the kind of beautiful you saw in movies or books except the lines weren’t being spoken and the pages weren’t being read. The beautiful was here, living, breathing, in front of him and the beautiful laughed at his dorkiness and did whatever Billy wanted, to make him happy. Part of him couldn’t quite believe that someone like that existed.

As Billy was in thought, Stephen stirred, pulling him away from the poems he was writing in his head.  
“Did I fall asleep?” Stephen groaned as he rubbed his eyes and yawned. Billy held in the silent coos that were filling up his head and the urge to kiss that little pout away.  
“Yeah, while I was carrying you home. Which I managed to do by the way! And remember the code, and unlock the door.” Billy smirked and Stephen laughed as he rolled onto his back, placing his hand behind his head and looking up at the shadows on the ceiling.  
“Well done, you’ve achieved something utterly pointless.” Stephen joked with a breathy laugh and Billy smiled at how bold Stephen's american accent was when he said long words. Billy couldn't help but stare at Stephen's lips as he licked and bit them, thinking over whatever was in his head.

“That was fun.” Billy stated, letting his eyes roll over Stephen’s figure as he wound down from everything. The very little light coming through the window fell on Stephen's body perfectly and Billy wished he could take a picture with how stunning it looked.  
“It was.” Stephen said, fearing that that signaled the end of their night, he desperately didn’t want Billy to leave. Despite how much he hated this box, Billy didn't want to leave either.

“Billy, can I tell you something.” Stephen whispered, still half asleep but wide enough awake to form coherent sentences. He figured that the only way he was ever going to get across just how thankful he was for the night they shared was if he confessed the reality of what the night was meant to be.  
“Of course.” Billy answered, wondering what was going to come next. The air seemed thick but not unbearable, he guessed it was going to be something big though.  
“Thank you, for tonight.” Stephen said first and Billy smiled, he knew something was about to follow though.  
“It’s no problem.” He answered. It went silent again and the room seemed eerie, like the happiness was fading. The blankness of the walls seemed to invade the space and the tension thickened. The next seven words hurt Billy more than he ever thought anything could.

“I was going to kill myself tonight.” Stephen stated simply and Billy’s heart stopped. It was such a short sentence yet the impact was massive. Billy had to stop for a minute to take that in and Stephen could tell by his wide eyes. It was a big thing to tell someone and Billy’s mind raced. Things started clicking into place, the way he didn’t like talking about the future when they had coffee. The way his mood had changed earlier when he met him. The fact he hadn’t got any water or heating despite him getting his wage packet tomorrow. The fact he hadn’t bought any food or drink. The fact he took giving happiness to someone else over looking out for his own future. It all added up now and Billy couldn’t believe he didn’t spot it.

“I-I...” Billy started to speak but he couldn’t form all the love he wanted to give Stephen into a sentence, “t-the rope, oh god the rope was for...” Billy whispered and Stephen nodded sadly, not letting himself cry because if he did, he’d never stop. There was a sad moment where all Stephen could hear were Billy's quiet sniffles and gasps every time he realized something else that showed the signs. What Stephen didn't expect was how Billy reacted once he stopped thinking about it. All of a sudden he was bombarded.

“I love you. I’m in love with you Stephen. Please, never think that you should-“ Billy was cut off by his own tears and breaking voice and it was Stephen’s turn to be shocked. Billy loved him. It had been barely two days but Stephen couldn't help but believe him. The way he looked and his tone of voice was desperate, it was such a pure sound and that's how he knew. He was loved by someone.

Before he had time to think too much more about it, he leant up and kissed Billy. Stephen cupped Billy’s face and Billy brought his arms around him as they fell back on the bed. Their lips moved together in desperation and love, barely separating for more than a few seconds at a time. Stephen went to talk but Billy kissed him again, stronger this time, never wanting it to stop. He needed to transfer all the love he had for him over, he needed to show him life was worth living.

“I love you, Billy, fuck I love you.” Stephen whispered in between kisses as he held onto him so tight he feared he might squeeze the life out of him but he was scared that if he let go then he’d lose it all and he couldn’t face that. Stephen started to undo Billy’s shirt when he paused and realized maybe Billy would think he was using him.

“D-Do you want to?” Stephen asked before going any further and Billy nodded.  
“I-I need to, I need to show you, h-how much life is worth living. I-I need to love you, I want to love you for fucking ever, Stephen.” Billy panted, unable to get what he wanted out into sentences that made any sense. Stephen understood though, sometimes feelings were just too powerful and needed to be acted, not spoken. As Billy worked on giving Stephen all the love he could, Stephen worked on listening to it and accepting it. The night was littered with ‘I love you’s’ until Billy and Stephen were drowning in it on their way to bliss.

Afterwards, Billy used the only other words he could find.  
“I’m so glad you’re here.” Billy breathlessly whispered as he pressed one last tender kiss to Stephen’s swollen lips.  
“I’m glad I am too.” Stephen replied and it might not have seemed much but it was a place Stephen never thought he’d get to. It was all thanks to that dorky flowerchild who saw something in him when nobody else bothered to.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, just to state, I made up the part about Stephen's brother and Stephen's suicidal plans but if it bears any relation to real life events then can someone please let me know as I'd never want to write about something that serious if it actually happened.  
> Anyway, I am proud of this so I hope everyone liked it!  
> 


End file.
